I have not been the mom I want to be today…not at all.
I am so tired.
I am increasingly resentful of all the care my children require.
I am overwhelmed by a week that seems like it Just. Won’t. End.
It feels like there is not enough coffee in the world.
The floors are sticky.
The bathroom is a crime scene.
There is laundry as far as the eye can see.
There is laundry everywhere around here.
A new mess was just made in the kitchen and then abandoned by my son in a total lack of executive function.
Not again. I just can’t.
I haven’t done my hair in so many days I forget how long it is when it is down and not pulled back into a messy bun.
I miss my needstoworkovertimetopayforallthesecrazymedicalbills husband. A lot.
My boys actually started punching each other in line at the post office today, because my oldest was melting down over the heat, and my youngest insisted it was time to snap his fingers and annoy him.
I might have to start bringing these with me one errands. At least I could claim they were practicing their MMA skills.
Sigh. Big, long sigh.
I want to be the mom capable of pulling all of this together.
I want to be the mom who can clean up the same mess for the 17th time, and thank Jesus for the sweet hands that made it.
I want to be the mom who can speak calmly, and with love, when it looks like the postal worker might be dialing the police.
I am not that mom.
I am simply the mom God made for these boys.
Some days, it makes sense.
Today, I am scratching my head and wondering what the God of the Universe could possibly have planned for us.
Either way, there is no way around it. I am a human being. Flawed. Sinning. Imperfect.
My children are human beings. Flawed. Sinning. Imperfect.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
I may not be the mom I want to be. But I am exactly the mom God has chosen for these boys.
Today, this is what I’ve got. I will not grow weary of doing good.
I will not give up.
And in due season, we will reap.
Amen.
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